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Mon, Sep 28


Online via Google Meet

Naming the Shadows Part 1(earlier)

Addressing Abuse, Bullying, and Other Harms in Metamour Relationships

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Naming the Shadows Part 1(earlier)
Naming the Shadows Part 1(earlier)

Time & Location

Sep 28, 2020, 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM EDT

Online via Google Meet

About the event

**Note: This discussion is being offered twice in one day to provide access to individuals in different regions worldwide.**

Within consensual non-monogamous relationships a unique relationship exists - a partner’s other partner, aka “metamour.” Though the concepts of coercion, bullying, and emotional harm have the capacity to exist in a wide variety of relationships, this class will examine how they appear in unique or differently manifested ways within polyamorous (aka polyam) and other forms of consensual non-monogamy. These situations are often not noticed, not seen, or not believed by those directly involved in them, or by those experiencing the behaviors themselves due to these unique circumstances. We will examine a variety of relationship styles, maps, and frameworks, and how attendees have experienced these things in their own life as recipients or unconscious (or conscious) harm-doers. Finally, having named these shadows, we will gather and offer some resources for self awareness, education, restoration, and healing.

This three-part series of discussions focuses on and centers the individuals who have experienced or witnessed some form of harm within their metamour relationships. Beneath the drive to focus on ‘compersion’ and the positive/rewarding aspects of metamour relationships can hide harmful patterns carried over from dominant cultures of monogamy, whether from family of origin or prior relationships. The social pressure to validate non-monogamy as a healthy alternative can create further silence and shame when this happens.

As these can be difficult or challenging topics, please plan ahead for your best forms of self-care during and after this discussion. Though sharing these experiences may be therapeutic for some attendees, this discussion is not offered or built as a group therapy session. If you are a mandated reporter within your state or have other concerns about what may be disclosed and what to do with it, please contact Sam or Lee in advance as to how to best navigate your attendance of this discussion.

Register here for meeting code, or on Facebook:

The door will be “locked” to this event 10 minutes after start time.

This is a trust-based attendance fee structure. If you are more comfortable with a set fee, our suggested donation is $20, but trust yourself just as we trust you - if you are moved to contribute a different amount, feel free - no specific contribution is required for attendance. 

One third of all funds from this series are being donated to INCITE!, a network of radical feminists of color organizing to end state violence and violence in our homes and communities.

About the facilitators: 

Sam Savage, MSW, SEP, Nerd Somatics

Sam Savage (she/they) is queer, nonbinary adventurer, a liminal creature who finds home in deeply anchoring friendships and traveling in the spaces between. Sam identifies strongly as a relationship hedonist, driven to find the optimal pleasure and satisfaction in every kind of connection, whether for a moment or a lifetime. For Sam, work and play intersect: as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, sex/pleasure educator, social worker, collaborative performance artist, and activist for equity in diverse settings. Sam is committed to exploring, unpacking, and when necessary working to dismantle the shadow in power-based/hierarchical systems into collaborative and joyful alternatives. This work is informed by professional experience in public health participatory action research and early work building peer to peer networks for youth in and from foster care and juvenile justice settings. Sam is supported and informed in this work by deep engagement in several communities, including Quaker and anti-racist Jungian circles, intersectional gamers, and as a volunteer in several arts communities across the country. Sam is a co-author of “Flux: Life After Foster Care” and contributing author to “Queer Magic: Power Beyond Boundaries,” as well as a number of academic publications. You can learn more about Sam and their work at

Lee Harrington Author, Educator, and Instigator

Lee Harrington (he/him) is an internationally known sexuality, relationships, and personal authenticity educator. Having taught in all 50 states and across 6 countries since 2001, he brings a combination of playful engagement and thoughtful academic dialogue to a broad audience. A nice guy with a disarmingly down to earth approach to the fact that we are each beautifully complex ecosystems, he examines the human experience from that lens. An award-winning author and editor on human gender, sexual, and sacred experience, his books include “Traversing Gender: Understanding Transgender Journeys” and “Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond,” among many other titles. During his life Lee has been a passion instigator, academic, adult film actress, world class sexual adventurer, performance artist, outspoken philosopher, spirit worker, kink/bondage expert, and has been blogging about sex and spirit since 1998. You can check out Lee’s adventures, as well as his regular podcast, tour schedule, free essays, videos, and more, over at


  • Standard

    This represents the standard, fair equitable exchange cost for this class, including a 1/3 donation to INCITE. If you are inspired to contribute more, you can order 'multiple' tickets to offset the fee for others who cannot contribute.

    +$0.50 service fee
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  • Student/Help Me Out Ticket

    If you want to contribute but $20 is too much right now, select this ticket.

    +$0.25 service fee
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  • Free Ticket

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